Why Do I Struggle with Life Transitions? Insight From a Denver Burnout Therapist
- Jennifer Olson-Madden, PhD
- Jan 21
- 7 min read
Updated: Jan 21
Life transitions are supposed to be “exciting,” right? A new job. A move to Denver. A baby. A promotion. A relationship shift. Graduation. Perimenopause. Caring for aging parents.
And yet… many high-functioning, capable adults feel unsteady, anxious, tearful, irritable, or exhausted during transitions—even when the change is something they wanted.
If you’ve been thinking, “What’s wrong with me? Other people handle this,” I want to normalize something important:
Transitions are inherently stressful because they require psychological, relational, and nervous-system reorganization. That’s not a character flaw. That’s being human.
Below is a research-informed (and real-life informed) way to understand why transitions hit so hard—and how ACT- and CBT-based strategies can help you move through them with more steadiness.
Why transitions feel harder than we expect
1) Your brain hates “in-between”
Transitions put you in a liminal space: the old identity has loosened, but the new one hasn’t fully formed. In developmental psychology terms, life is full of “tasks” that involve rebuilding identity, roles, and meaning across seasons (e.g., intimacy, generativity, purpose). Erikson’s lifespan framework is one classic way of describing how different stages bring different identity and relationship pressures.
When your life is “in-between,” your brain can interpret ambiguity as danger. Even positive change can trigger threat responses: scanning for problems, overthinking, and compulsive planning.
2) “Normal” life stress adds up fast
There’s a long research history showing that major life events require adaptation, and the cumulative load of change can predict stress-related strain. The Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) is an example of how researchers have tried to quantify “life change load”—and more modern reviews also critique its limitations while still affirming the core idea: more change = more adaptation demand.
In practice: a transition rarely happens alone. A career shift can come with sleep disruption, financial stress, family stress, identity stress, and social stress—stacking the deck toward burnout.
3) Burnout isn’t only about work—even if it starts there
The WHO defines burnout as an occupational phenomenon (energy depletion/exhaustion, cynicism/mental distance, reduced efficacy).
But many people experience burnout-like emotional exhaustion that spills into home life, relationships, and health—especially during demanding seasons. Research has also explored how burnout symptoms relate to daily life beyond work.
So, if you’re thinking, “I’m not just tired of my job—I’m tired of my whole life,” you’re not alone.
4) Some transitions are developmentally loaded
For young adults, “emerging adulthood” is often marked by instability, identity exploration, and feeling “in between.”
For midlife adults, transitions can stir questions of meaning, caregiving, and “Is this the life I want?” (hello, reevaluation season).
Translation: the transition is not “just logistics.” It can press on deep psychological themes—belonging, competence, purpose, freedom, and self-worth.
A therapist’s lens: why you might personally struggle with transitions
If you’re a high-achieving adult (common in my Denver therapy office), these patterns often show up:
Perfectionism: “I should handle this flawlessly.”
Over-responsibility: “If anything goes wrong, it’s on me.”
Identity fusion with performance: “If I’m struggling, I’m failing.”
Control strategies that backfire: overplanning, overworking, overthinking
Loss sensitivity: even good change includes grief (the old routine, old self, old community)
Life transitions feel hard because they require psychological, emotional, and identity-level adaptation, not just practical adjustment. Even positive changes increase uncertainty, disrupt routines, and strain coping resources—especially for high-achieving adults.
A widely used framework in transition research is Schlossberg’s Transition Model, developed by Nancy Schlossberg. It explains why a transition is hard for you, not just why transitions are stressful in general. The model is organized around four factors—called the 4 S’s: Situation, Self, Support, and Strategies.
The 4 S’s: A Clear Way to Understand Why Your Transition Is Difficult
1. Situation: What is changing right now?
Transitions feel harder when they are:
Unexpected or unwanted
Layered (multiple changes at once)
High stakes (identity, finances, relationships)
Many people underestimate the total stress load of a transition, which increases emotional exhaustion and anxiety.
2. Self: What is your capacity in this season?
How hard a transition feels depends on:
Your current stress level and health
Your life stage and responsibilities
Past experiences with change
Struggling does not mean you are weak—it usually means your capacity is already stretched.
3. Support: What support do you actually have?
Transitions often reduce support before we notice.
Emotional support
Practical help
Permission to not do everything alone
High-functioning adults often have support but struggle to use it, which increases burnout risk.
4. Strategies: How are you coping right now?
Some coping strategies work short-term but increase long-term stress, including:
Overworking
Over-controlling
Avoidance
Self-criticism
When strategies become rigid, transitions feel overwhelming instead of manageable.
Key takeaway: If a transition feels hard, it is usually because one or more of the 4 Ss are strained—not because something is wrong with you.
ACT + CBT: a practical roadmap for navigating change
Step 1: Name the transition (and the hidden losses)
CBT and ACT both start with clarity. Write out:
What exactly changed?
What did I lose (even if I chose this)?
What expectations am I holding (of myself, others, the outcome)?
Transitions often feel hard because we don’t “count” the grief. Counting it reduces shame.
Step 2: Work with your mind instead of arguing with it (ACT defusion)
In ACT, the goal isn’t to eliminate anxious thoughts—it’s to change your relationship with them.
Try this phrasing:
“I’m having the thought that I can’t handle change.”
“My mind is telling the ‘I’m behind’ story.”
That small shift creates space so you can choose your next step instead of obeying the alarm.
Step 3: Update unhelpful predictions (CBT reframe)
Transitions amplify “catastrophe forecasting.” CBT helps you test predictions with reality:
What’s the feared outcome?
What evidence supports it?
What evidence doesn’t?
What’s a more balanced statement?
Example: Old: “If I’m overwhelmed, it means I made the wrong choice.” New: “Overwhelm is a normal part of adaptation. It doesn’t predict the final outcome.”
Step 4: Practice willingness (not resignation)
Willingness is the ACT skill of making room for discomfort while still moving toward what matters. It allows you to stop fighting with reality and instead work with what is. Willingness sounds like: “I can feel uncertain and take the next meaningful step.”
This is how you stop waiting to feel confident before you act.
Step 5: Build a “good enough” values plan
Values are steady; capacity fluctuates. This protects meaning and bandwidth, which reduces burnout risk over time. ACT focuses on workable steps, not perfect ones.
What is the smallest values-based action you can take?
What does “good enough” look like in this season?
Transitions require pacing. A values-based question I love is: “What does my value look like at an 80% level today?” This reduces paralysis and prevents burnout during prolonged transitions
Step 6: Strengthen support on purpose
Transitions often shrink support without you noticing. Use the “Support” part of Schlossberg’s model to ask:
Who are my 3 safe people right now?
What kind of support do I actually need (practical, emotional, accountability)?
What am I assuming I “should” do alone?
ACT reframes asking for help as a values-aligned action, not a weakness. Support becomes part of sustainable coping, not a failure of independence.
Why This Approach Reduces Burnout
Burnout often increases during transitions because:
Demands rise
Support decreases
Coping becomes rigid
Values get sidelined
Using the 4 S’s + ACT/CBT, therapy helps clients:
Normalize their stress response
Reduce self-blame
Increase flexibility
Stay connected to meaning during change
Transitions don’t require you to “handle life better.” They require new skills for a new season.
When transitions turn into chronic burnout (signs to watch)
Consider reaching out for therapy if you notice:
Ongoing sleep disruption, dread, or panic
Increased irritability or numbness
Loss of motivation or joy (even in “good” things)
Difficulty concentrating / more mistakes
Feeling disconnected from your values or relationships
Your coping is narrowing (more scrolling, drinking, working, avoidance)
Burnout recovery is possible—but it’s much easier when you intervene early.
FAQ
Why do life transitions trigger anxiety?
Because change increases uncertainty and requires identity + routine reorganization. Your brain often treats uncertainty like threat, which can activate anxiety and overthinking.
Can positive changes still cause stress or burnout?
Yes. Even desired change includes losses (in familiarity, identity, community, roles), adjustment, and increased demands. Naming the adjustment or the grief is a key step in adapting.
Is struggling with transitions a sign I’m weak?
No. It usually means the transition is demanding, layered, or touching core values/identity themes. Many high achievers struggle because they’re used to control and clear metrics.
How is burnout related to transitions?
Transitions can increase total stress load and reduce recovery time. Burnout is defined as occupational, but exhaustion often spills into life—especially during seasons of change.
What does ACT therapy help with life transitions?
ACT builds psychological flexibility—helping you relate differently to anxious thoughts, make room for feelings, and take values-aligned action even when you feel uncertain.
What does CBT help with during transitions?
CBT helps you identify and shift unhelpful thinking patterns (catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking) and build practical coping skills and behavioral routines.
When should I see a therapist for a life transition?
If distress persists for weeks, disrupts sleep/work/relationships, or your coping strategies are getting rigid (avoidance, overwork, shutdown), therapy can help you adapt sooner and with less suffering.
Start Burnout Treatment in Denver, CO
If you’re navigating a transition in Denver—career change, parenting shifts, relationship changes, burnout, or that “I don’t recognize myself anymore” feeling—therapy can help you rebuild stability without forcing yourself to “just be fine.”
With ACT and CBT, we don’t just manage symptoms—we help you reconnect with what matters and create a workable plan for the season you’re in. You can start your therapy with a Denver-based psychologist by following these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start finding lasting support through your transitions!
Other Services Offered by Dr. Olson-Madden Online Throughout Colorado
Supporting parents through stress and burnout is a meaningful part of my work, but it’s only one piece of what I offer in my Denver-based online therapy practice. I also help clients manage major life transitions and anxiety by working through persistent worry and unhelpful thought loops. My approach is trauma-informed and supportive for those healing from painful past experiences.
Many clients also come in for relationship support—whether they’re hoping to communicate more clearly, rebuild trust, or move through conflict with more understanding and care. In addition to telehealth therapy, I offer individualized psychological services and assessments tailored to your goals and needs.
Learn more by visiting my mental health blog, or reach out when you feel ready to take the next step. You can also download my free e-book and follow me on X, Instagram, and LinkedIn for ongoing support, tools, and guidance along the way.
Educational content only; not a substitute for medical or mental health treatment.
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